#5 The Crazy Tragic Emo Story

I have been approached recently by a man, His name is to be unknown. He has a pretty messed up life and family. and recently i had to help him.

"To Be or Not To Be, That Is My Problem, My Mother Is A Whore And She Went Off To Marry My Fathers Brother after my father died. I was then visited by father who i thought was DEAD!, He looked drunk because i didnt understand anything he said. After a while i then realised wat he was saying. My father was murdered by my uncle, OH the Pain, WRetched uncle, he has wanted My Fathers Kebab Stall for years, and now he had taken It and The Bonus of My Mother. I fear To Kill him and i get soo many chances, like that time when he was in the toilet, but im too pussy, And so i procrastinate and make the story long as shit, and boring As to read. HELP ME TEAM A! (& friends).!"...."Im Also A Faggot To My Gf"

Dw We Can Help:

1. Kill Him: first re-enact the murder of ur father and then look for ur uncles reaction. then go to ur mums room and accidently kill ur Gf's dad. Then Go to ur Crazy Dead Gf's Funeral, in which it was ur fault for her death. After that if ur not pussy-whipeed, go accept the sword fight that Ur Dead Gf's bro Challenged. Kill Him!, Then See ur mother get killed, then kill ur uncle, and then kill urself.

2. Run : RUN AWAY FROM THE MADNESS
Go into the mountains, get a life or get a Bf.

3. Kill Him Faster: Kill ur uncle faster, and make it easier on us all.

Hoped This Helped! :P Thumbs Up*

P.S. Saranghae... My Food, That My Slave/Vallet Van Gets Me EveryDay
-The AntMan

#4 The OverSized

Dear Anthoahuy,

my friend is on a diet
but when it sees food
it cant resist but to eat it
and it is growing fatter

- Nelpy

Well... first can I ask, is your friend an animal?
Usually, animals tend to have that kind of problem. It is extremely hard for an animal to resist its temptations, because they don't have that controlled mindset that us humans do.
What you might need to do with your dog/cat/bird/mother is to basically just DONT show him food as often or just feed him extremely low fat products. Or maybe try giving it some rigorous exercise and then reward it with a little snack. With animals, being lenient of them is something that will never work.

OR, if your friend is a human, then you need to be choosing the right friends, buddy, cos nobody calls his bro an 'it'. *except for Steve Irwin*
Just, bring it to a dietician or try some hardout exercise with it or as I said earlier, feed it some low-fat products.

Anyway, I've got a maths exam tomorrow and I need to revise, so if you have any further queries, please comment back.

-Hoa