Martial Arts Tip #1

Okay, it is now Friday and I have promised to offer some advice to our helpless friends out there that want to break an idiot's knee. Now, I have to tell you that to help you specifically with your problems, you have to post me the person's build and height and create a fight scenario that you think would actually happen in real life. I haven't gotten any yet, since nobody gives a rat's ass about our blog, but for the time being I'll just start with my own scenarios and if any of them relate to your problems, they may prove useful.

Okay. Scenario #1:

A large built 15 year old named Andre has just stolen a lady's purse. You, the hero of the day, happen to witness this horrible event. You scream out WTF YOU DON'T GO STEALING CHEAP PURSES OFF LITTLE LADIES!

Andre happens to hear your statement and comes strutting quickly at you. He picks up the pace and gives the ugliest angry scowl and snort in the world that looks like a mix of Michael Jackson's nose flared and Samuel L. Jackson being pissed off put together and screams out, "You Wanna Go? You better Alt QQ mate, otherwise I am gonna KS your ass!" *Andre is ASIAN*

Andre gets closer and he is about a metre away from you. He lifts his arms up and advances to push you, like how many noobs attack at first these days. *Freeze the picture* As he is about to push out his arms and push you to the ground and punch the crap out of you, You also stick out your arms with both fists sliightly clenched facing a ... 65 degree angle as a guard (this is necessary, unless you want you get your nose pushed in) and do what is called a Stomp Kick. A stomp kick in kung fu is basically lifting up the knee to about waist height in a straight upwards direction (so Andre won't know which way you will kick) and then just do a stomp aiming at his kneecaps, shins, or maybe even his foot.

If executed successfully and extremely rapidly, Andre will scream out in pain (if you get him hard enough) and he might release his guard. If he doesn't kick him to his thigh or something or maybe just stomp him again and then he won't be able to take in anymore. Then when his guard drops and his face or chest (or if you REALLY WANNA KILL HIM) his throat is open, go for it (if you have to). He will then run over to the nearest public toilet, cry like a little pussy and if he's stupid enough, dob on you.

There are hundred of possibilities with dealing with this kind of scenario. For example, Andre might be a lil slow and he might take a little time to prepare his push. Then you can just do what is called 'intercepting' and jsut punch him in the face or kick him hard in the chest or poke his eyes or punch is throat or even slap him hard before he even pushes. As I said, hundreds of possibilities.

Okay, I reckon my first tip was useful and simple but kinda lame in explanation. Just post some comments on how to improve these tips cos i dunno how you guys get bullied anyway. Anyway, until next time, keep yourself safe, niggas!

-Hoa